Godzilla vs. Kong is an absolute dumpster fire and I loved every minute of it

You’ve got to hand it to Godzilla vs. Kong… it made it a mission to be a movie about a big money and a giant lizard fighting and it accomplished that mission with gusto and an unapologetic glee. Quite honestly, if you went to see this movie, expecting more than that, the fault lies more with you than it does with the movie.

So, yes… Godzilla vs. Kong. You want a synopsis? That’s it.

Godzilla seemingly goes crazy and attacks Florida but, given Florida being Florida and all, who can honestly blame him? Meanwhile, on Skull Island which has become devastated by the perpetual storm moving inland, Kong is being kept safe inside of a large enclosure, but Kong being Kong, isn’t pleased with this.

The trouble is, to relocate Kong to a safe new home will leave him open to an attack by Godzilla who doesn’t like other titans on his planet, so naturally, they decide to relocate him and you can tell how things go from there.

However, there is a mysterious third party trying to make a play at a strange power source located inside The Hollow Earth deep inside the planet which could cause both Kong and Godzilla a lot of trouble.

Look, Kong vs. Godzilla is big, ridiculous, and stupid. I mean, for Godzilla’s sake, at one point Kong is literally inside the Hollow Earth thousands of miles under the surface and Godzilla, on the surface, uses his atomic breath and and burns a Godzilla-damned hole into the planet, creating a skylight so that he can roar at Kong. It’s just… so gloriously stupid and, yet… for a movie like this, it works.

If you are a fan of Kaiju movies, Godzilla vs. Kong is a crowd-pleaser mainly because it knows what its audience wants and it gives it to them without reservation. It does try to tell a story with humans, but it never strays very far from Kong.

And, yes… I said Kong. This is more Kong’s movie than Godzilla’s movie and I’m fine with that. Honestly, Kong is the more relatable of the monsters. He’s more expressive, he’s more human… he’s more of the hero. Godzilla comes off as a real prick in this movie while Kong comes off as humanity’s defender. Sorry, Godzilla, but I’m Team Kong.

Despite its eagerness to please on par with a dog seeking affirmation and treats, Godzilla vs. Kong does manage a few surprises. I found Kong’s relationship with the little girl quite sweet and the revelation that he learned sign language from her in secret was both fun and logical.

Mechagodzilla was not a surprise, but I’ll be darned if I didn’t squeal in glee the moment that that mechanical monstrosity appeared on screen.

Not only will this movie not win awards, I think it will cause a few awards to be retroactively taken away from the entire studio. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every bonkers moment of this gloriously shameless knock-down drag out and the moment that this overgrown iguana and mutant monkey decide to have a rematch, I am here for it.

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