When a rising super-villain drug lord decides to take the world hostage, the first thing she does is blow up all of The Kingsman with the exception of Egsy because he’s the main character and Merlin because Egsy is going to need weapons. Together, they follow clues in the Kingsmen doomsday vault and go to America where they discover the Statesmen, an American spinoff of the Kingsmen, but this time made up of American stereotypes instead of British Stereotypes.

Is that really what an American stereotype looks like? George W. Bush has a lot to answer for.

Then again, it could be worse… the Statesmen could have been a lot of fat people in rascal scooters.

Instead we have Channing Tatum but don’t get too used to the idea of Channing being around because he’s basically little more than a glorified cameo before he’s sidelined. Instead, the Statesman that we’re paired with is Pedro Pascal from Game of Thrones and, trust me, any inkling you have about this guy is probably right and that’s the disappointing thing about The Golden Circle. It is very predictable.

The one thing about the movie that might have taken us all by surprise, the return of Galahad, was spoiled months before in the promotional materials.

As expected, The Golden Circle is a madhouse of frantic action and offbeat comedy and, for the most part it works about as well as you’re expecting. Those of you expecting the nutty unpredictability of the first movie are going to be deeply disappointing as this one is not only predictable, but culminates in a villain face-off that is underwhelming to say the most. It’s the movie equivalent of farting in bed, rolling over, and going back to sleep.

Which is a shame because, when it’s in top form, The Golden Circle is a fun ride. It’s tragic that they chose to end it with a low-effort confrontation and end up exactly where you were certain they were going to end up.

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Written by Jason Gaston

Father, teacher, writer, photographer, artist, actor, male model, and inventor of the semicolon.

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