Every Halloween, somebody decides there needs to be an age limit on fun.
“Teenagers are too old to trick-or-treat!”
Really? According to whom? Who appointed you Paul Blart: Halloween Enforcement Officer?
In this episode of “_____ Is for Idiots,” I’m going after the annual tradition of adults getting weirdly angry when teenagers show up at the door looking for candy. Because apparently a sixteen-year-old walking around the neighborhood dressed as Ghostface is a social crisis… but sitting inside staring at TikTok for six straight hours is somehow preferable.
Teenagers already have homework, puberty, dating, standardized tests, social media, and the horrifying realization that adulthood is approaching like the truck from Maximum Overdrive. If they want to spend one night dressed as Spider-Man and collecting Reese’s Cups, GIVE THEM THE DAMN CANDY.
We’re talking cheap costumes, stingy homeowners guarding Fun Size Milky Ways like Smaug, teenagers communicating entirely through one shoulder movement, the mysterious science behind seasonal Little Debbie cakes, and why there should NEVER be a Judgment Hall of Osiris operating from somebody’s front porch.
Halloween is supposed to be ridiculous. It’s supposed to be fun. And there is plenty of candy—and plenty of joy—to go around.
So if a teenager shows up at your door this Halloween wearing even half a costume?
Give them the Snickers.
And if somebody tells YOU that you’re too old to trick-or-treat… take two pieces without breaking eye contact.
Establish dominance.
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