Beverly Hills Chihuahua… Wasn’t That Bad (But it is Pretty Ruff!)

Imagine me in a theater a few months before witnessing Beverly Hills Chihuahua. There I am waiting for Wall-E and getting an eye full of that trailer. Ye Gods, I know just how that man felt. I literally stared open mouthed at this festering and teetering pile of puppy poop that squeezed out of the rectum of the movie theater screen and was struck speechless by it’s badness.

This was a movie I HAD to see for myself.

Flash foreword a few months and I’m on babysitting duty for my niece and nephew. Now was my chance to witness this colossal cinematic colostomy bag without looking like a complete tool.

Aye, Chihuahua.

What’s my reaction to the movie? Well, you know how you tuned in to the vice presidential debate of 2008 simply because you wanted to see Sara Palin board a failboat and sink into an ocean of embarrassment? That’s why I wanted to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua and, just like Sara Palin – it wasn’t that bad even if it was empty headed and dumb as a bag of hammers.

Yes, children, to my great shame I must admit that the “stupid talking dog” movie as I had been putting it (only with more profanity), is not the gigantic flowing river of diarrhea that the masochist in me was hoping for. I would even go so far as to say that if this was kept as a strictly talking dog movie without people, it would have been pretty good. As it is, some of the dogs are stars and some of the stars are dogs and… no, wait… Uh…

Okay, Drew Barrymore as the lead Chihuahua who I can’t even remember the name of right now was irritating. The human stars are irritating. What isn’t irritating is everyone else. For one, Andy Garcia as an old and protective German Shepard was a scene stealer and not because he was funny or cute, but because he was just a great character. I would have loved for the whole movie to be about him and him alone.

George Lopez voices Poppi, the little Chihuahua in the trailer who the advertisements are falsely pushing as the star of the movie (truthfully, he’s in the movie maybe 25 percent of the time). Lopez makes Poppi funny and ethnic, but without making him stupid and offensive which, believe me, is no small chore.

Come to think of it, it’s rather nice that Beverly Hills Chihuahua manages to stay away from Mexican stereotypes and the potty humor that manages to worm its way into kids movies. I think there was one line in the movie about “tinkle” but it actually advanced the plot, so all was forgiven.

So, the verdict is that Beverly Hills Chihuahua is a cute movie. Nothing special, nothing major, nothing groundbreaking, and it will probably be all but forgotten by the third direct to video sequel, but the true accomplishment here is the fact that it’s not a mammoth turd like the trailer made it out to be. Whoever thought that beast up should have his throat torn open by a doberman.

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Written by Jason Gaston

Father, teacher, writer, photographer, artist, actor, male model, and inventor of the semicolon.

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