‘Titans” Infuriates with “Rose,” a Big Old Boring Waste of Time

Titans had a pretty sub-par season premiere last week, so I was hoping that with all of the baggage shed from the cliffhanger that shouldn’t have been a cliffhanger, the show would finally kick into gear and start telling the interesting story I’ve been waiting on.

After watching “Rose,” I’m still waiting.

This series is reminding me of the most irritating aspects of Game of Thrones: The episodes upon episodes spent setting up the board. Here, on the second episode of the series, we’re introduced to a new character and, as comic fans, we all know good and darned well who she is, but the characters bumble and derp their way through the entire hour trying to figure out something that any fan with a brain in their head already know.

Not to mention that… THE EPISODE IS CALLED “ROSE!!!!!!!!”

Imagine if there was an episode of Star Trek: Discovery called “Kirk” where Kirk shows up and the crew spends the entire episode trying to figure out who he is. You and everyone else would be slapping your foreheads in frustration and impatience.

That’s what “Rose” is… it’s watching idiots roam around for an hour trying to solve a mystery that isn’t a mystery.

Now, obviously, this is not the only thread in this story. We check in with Hawk and Dove who are trying to live an ordinary life in Wyoming, only Dove is still secretly putting on her costume and taking out Meth labs which really upsets Hawk and puts a damper on their relationship… but then their house gets blown up by Doctor Light and that’s the last we see of it. No conclusion, no coda… just tabled for next week, what is sure to be a never-ending drawn out spat between these two already insufferable cardboard characters.

Donna and Starfire are also featured, both teaming up to take down Glimmer. Their segments are mostly just good natured conversations that go nowhere, then they fight Glimmer for about thirty seconds, and then Starfire is kidnapped and Donna doesn’t even notice.

And then that’s over with.

This whole episode seemed like it was written for the sole purpose of being annoying.

What’s worse is that Titans currently seems to have a worst case of superhero-phobia than Arrow ever did. The only Titan who regularly puts on a costume is Robin, Dick, Gar, and Rachael aren’t calling themselves by any code names at all… it’s like Titans doesn’t even want to be a show about the Titans. I can’t believe that we’re going through this nonsense again.

Yes, DC Universe… audiences will accept a show about Raven, Starfire, Beast Boy, Nightwing, and Robin… it’s why we’re watching it in the first place!

I do have to hand credit where it’s due… the cosmetic changes look great. Starfire finally has a wig that doesn’t look like orange ramen, Raven finally looks like Raven.

I still don’t know why Beast Boy can’t be green… it’s, like Hulk not being green. It’s just wrong.

Ugh, this episode vexed me in all the wrong ways. It was frustrating, dull, and pointless… nothing but set up and no payoff. I’m currently watching through Doom Patrol and it amazes me how one show is embracing the complete weirdness of what it is and being so successful at it while Titans is trying to keep it at arms length and suffers.

I honestly don’t understand why it’s so hard to simply be a superhero show.

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Written by Jason Gaston

Father, teacher, writer, photographer, artist, actor, male model, and inventor of the semicolon.

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