’50 Shades of Grey’ is Torture to Sit Through

Christian Grey is a billionaire who has it all… money, looks, fame, and power which, of course, means he’s going to automatically be drawn to the most boring woman on earth and the two are going to become entwined in a whirlwind romance… a messed up whirlwind romance.

50 Shades of Grey isn’t so much a movie that you watch, it’s more of something that you’re subjected to… a type of torture that never seems to end which is actually kind of ironic considering what the movie’s main draw is and, strangely, for a movie about that kind of stuff, it’s one of the most boring things I’ve ever sat through.

Granted, I understand that I am not in the target audience since I am male and have a functioning brain, but I can’t imagine anyone really sitting through this movie and finding it sexy or exciting. To me, it’s so stilted and tedious, it almost makes the Edward and Bella romance look convincing by comparison.

The simple truth of the matter is, this movie relies on the chemistry of two characters and that chemistry just isn’t there. What’s more, this movie is about as provocative as intense contract negotiations and even the naughty scenes, if that’s all you’re looking for, are dull. It promises to be explicit and gritty, but it’s timid and tame. This movie is wimpy.

More than anything, it’s boring… just plain boring. It’s boring conversations between boring people who end up having boring relations.

I blame Twilight… I really do. This is the same wish fulfillment nonsense that fuels most female-targeted movies where a boring woman with no personality finds herself attracting the attention of someone powerful, handsome, and dangerous.

At least the success of this manner of drivel proves that women are just as sexually shallow as men are.

It promised to shock, but it doesn’t. It promised to push boundaries, but it doesn’t. It promised to be the sexiest thing ever, but it isn’t.

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