Today, I had the *honor* of watching the Minecraft movie. And by “honor,” I mean I willingly subjected myself to what can only be described as a cinematic hostage situation.
This movie has the emotional depth of a creeper and the storytelling finesse of someone who asked ChatGPT to write a script in five seconds and then never looked at it again. Iām 99% sure this entire film was written by AI, possibly the kind of AI that still thinks humans are made of cubes.
The dialogue? Robotic.
The plot? Nonexistent.
The vibe? Like someone mashed buttons on a keyboard while blindfolded and high on Redstone dust.
So buckle up as I unpack this digital disaster and try to find meaning in what may be the weirdest, laziest, most pixelated money grab ever rendered in 3D.
Has the algorithm gone too far? Have the machines finally taken over Hollywood? Tune in and find out.
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Jason Gaston 
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